Category: Mindfullness

So… it’s taken me a long time to try and put this into words… about 11 years actually (and I have had this saved in my drafts folder for about 2 months…)!  I have recently started seeing a Psychologist and she is really helping me understand and unpack all this.

How it is…

I like to call it – my Big Black Spider (BBS for short). A traumatic event that happpened to me 11 years ago. There is no need to discuss the details or explain what it actually is (especially since I am sharing this with the rest of blogville), because we have all faced a traumatic situation in our lives. Why Blig Black Spider? Because it is sneaky and nasty. It is a memory that hides behind the bookcase or picture where you can’t see it, and then when you think everything is fine and dandy it comes crawling out and scares the living daylights out of you! There is no ignoring it, supressing it, or avoiding it. No amount of ‘positive thinking’ will make that spider dissapear. It is real and it has influenced who I am (and btw I quite like who I am now).

What is so difficult is understanding that it is not part of me. I realised the other day that I am terrified of letting my BBS go. I am so attached to it that I feel like if it was no longer important – I would no longer be important… (when I put it like that  – JEEPERS! that is scarey!)

How it can be...

When I first started practicing Yoga and Mindfulness 4 years ago, I thought I was over all this. I had a good life, great friends and a lovely family.  Mindfulness and yoga especially have this incredible ability to remove all the book cases, pictures, sofas (whatever) that your BBS is hiding behind. It really cracks that nut right open revealing who you really are and how you are actually feeling (not the smiley face you put on to make others happy).

And so, here I am. Embracing my Big Black Spider. Sharing it with you, and hopefully providing insight into how to manage and care for your Spider without it ruling over you and jumping out to scare you!


Fifty trillion molecular geniuses!Jill botle Taylor says in her book ‘My Stroke of Insight‘, “Your body is the life force power of some fifty trillion molecular geniuses!”  How empowering would it be to become aware of these geniuses!  For me I gain a some insight into this when I am able to drop awareness into my body and be in the present moment.

I find that when I practice Yoga, go running, gardening or swing a Kettlebell around I am able to really inhabit my body in the present. I feel it from the insde out. My lungs expanding and contracting like bellows nurturing a fire. My muscles feeding off that oxygen and the nutrients in my blood. My heart pumping (almost out of my chest!) blood through my veins like a river feeding the surrounding fields. I AM ALIVE! (said in a crazy Robin Williams kinda voice)

When I find myself in front of the computer (like I am now), this sense of grounding, of being in my body is shifted. I am lost in my ‘head’ or maybe my left hempisphere? I feel disconnected from the world around me, and often I feel a little lonely…

So I urge you, if you can – get up out of that seat, stretch, stomp around, connect to the ground, whatever it takes for you to conncet to those fifty trillion molecular geniuses! Be alive!

The poem below is such a beautiful description of grounding your Self  in the present and inspired the above!

I Said to the Waiting Creature Inside Me
I said to the wanting creature inside me;
What is this river you want to cross?
Do you see anyone moving about on that bank or resting?
There is no river at all, no boat and no boatman.
There is no towrope either, and no-one to pull it.
There is no ground, no sky, no time, no bank, no fjord!

And there is no body, no mind!
Do you believe there is some place that will make the soul less thirsty?
In that great absence you will find nothing.

Be strong then and enter into your own body;
There you have a solid place for your feet.
Think about it carefully!
Don’t go off somewhere else!
Kabir says this: just throw away all thoughts of imaginary things, and stand firm in that which you are.


My Occupation


tr.v. oc·cu·pied, oc·cu·py·ing, oc·cu·pies

1. To fill up (time or space): a lecture that occupied three hours.
2. To dwell or reside in.
3. To hold or fill (an office or position).
4. To seize possession of and maintain control over by or as if by conquest.
5. To engage or employ the attention or concentration of: occupied the children with coloring books.
As defined by The Free Dictionary.
Occupy Hawaii

Here is my Occupation:
“To engage or employ the attention or concentration of” others
I will Occupy –
I will Occupy my mind with peaceful, caring thoughts.
I will Occupy my body with healthy food and use it wisely.
I will Occupy my heart with LOVE.
I will Occupy my words with love.
I will dedicate my actions to creating a more sustainable world where I rely less on the capitalist society I live in and more on the Earth I come from.
I will Occupy everyday, in  every way to re-mind others to do the same.

So… with all this Occupation happening – Occupy Wall Street, Occupy London, Occupy Together… the list goes on… my personal opinion (and I must emphasise it is my PERSONAL opinion).

How is this all going to change things? By living in a tent and relying on other people to provide food so that you can get the message out there – how is it changing things?I appreciate that people are fed up – I am too. I do not want to live in a capitalist world where we are constantly bombarded by advertisers and products to solve all our problems and end your suffering, cos lets face it – that’s BS! The only thing that will improve your life is you.
And so – here it is. I was very keen to join the Occupy Durban City Hall movement on Saturday, until I spent time thinking it through. If I go, I carry a banner, I meet some awesome people and probably have some great conversations – but will it change things? If I rather spend more time establishing what is important – compassion, helping others, keeping fit and healthy, creating opportunities for a more sustainable way of living (not just for myself) – will this not make more of an impact in my community? Will this not be an example for others and “engage or employ the attention or concentration of” others to lead more sustainable lives.
A few interesting articles on the occupations and some videos too.
I admire the peaceful stance that has been a grounding factor across the board. I think that if all protests (especially those in SA) could be held peacefully – people might take more notice about the actual reasons behind the protests as opposed to the damaging effects they have on communities.
My opinion may be totally niave and pie in the sky. Maybe you think I am just a whiss or a middle-class white person with nothing better to do (as said in this article: Occupy arrives at JSE. ) Whatever you think or feel, know that I wish for justice, I wish for leaders who lead, I wish for a society who cares for their children, old people and sick, but most of all I wish for peace.

I recently received this from our community watch organiser. While I have received others like it – I thought it appropriate to post now since it is currently Spring in South Africa. With a change in the seasons usually comes a lot of personal upheaval and change. Clearing out the old “weeds” in your life that no longer serve a worthwhile purpose, to make space for new seeds to be planted and flourish in the garden of your heart.


First, you Come to the garden alone,
while the dew is still on the roses….


1. Peace of mind
2. Peace of heart
3. Peace of soul


1. Squash gossip
2. Squash indifference
3. Squash grumbling
4. Squash selfishness


1. Lettuce be faithful
2. Lettuce be kind
3. Lettuce be patient
4. Lettuce really love one another


1. Turnip for meetings
2. Turnip for service
3. Turnip to help one another


1. Thyme for each other
2. Thyme for family
3. Thyme for friends